Got to get up.

Lately, I have been confronted with a number of situations of which I can only respond to with tired excuses and inward self pity. This is unacceptable.

I can't even bring myself to write good poetry anymore, it's that feeling of hopelessness and 'being down' that's making me lazy... like all those smugs on my laptop screen, which never seem to go away and I can't seem to bring myself to wash them off.

Where is that inner strength? Why do minor situations spiral me into a prolonging state of depression for months on end. < - I'm damn good at hiding that, but lately I've been slacking on the acting normal thing.

Wake the fuck up Jacqui, you're dying.

Fix it, get up, live, you fool.

All of my acquaintances say I am wrong here,
They make me feel as if I don't belong here...

Well what if I am not wrong here,
What if it is they who don't belong here.

My will is strong,
My anger gone.

I will continue to silently fight,
to not live a secret life...
This is my human right,
and I will uphold,
staying bold... against this cold, frigid feeling of disconnection,
I face constant rejection,
from my peers... and all of their fears.

I've felt this way for so many years.

And I've finally had enough.
But you know... life is rough.

So... I'd better get a helmet.

I stand on sound.

Motion in motion,
Energy
Devotion.

I stand on sound. Rhythmic, flowing, static, ground.

Get down, now, pray to the signal.
I am your Kinetic Goddess, and I am subliminal.

Being present in the world, absorbing what you will.
Take not lightly the unseen,
I am all around you,
Swarming through out you.

Kinetic Goddess.
Kinetic Goddess.
Kinetic Goddess.

Here comes that depression again... but you know this time I am refusing to give in.

I just need a dose of sleep and a visit from much missed friends to keep... me in line.

Really, all is fine... when you give it some time.

Patience is a virtue of uncertainty, but its rewards will come in folds of three.

Sitting on my wooden fire escape, musing over the irony of a flammable staircase.
I'm staring at the boarded up windows of the apartment adjacent,
The soot on the sills are visibly bold in a cynical statement,
that is silently screaming that nothing is lasting,
life is about change and change holds replacement.

Nothing is more clear to me at this period of my life than the realization of constant change and what change entails... and especially my new found mindset of controlling what changes happen in my own personal consciousness. In my opinion, the laws of three still apply and progressive change can only happen if those laws are met with good intentions and positive intent. (When I say the laws of three I am referring to the threefold rule and the general tendency of the universe to work in threes... I'm not crazy, really.) The world can be beautiful if we collectively wish it to be so.

Collectively, we are all guilty of good intentions, and collectively we are all in favor of much needed preventions, but collectively we are just a collection; of radical remarks of change and reform, there are few who practice singular interventions without hate or scorn.

Life looked me over the other day.

Life looked me over the other day and she said; " Girl you're getting older and a little bit colder, but you don't know who you are yet. So you'd better get on that."

My days are fast paced and full of interesting faces.. new lessons and many more questions... too many to let me sleep soundly sometimes.

This year has been so metamorphic. I am surrounded by beautiful souls... amazing room mates who have taught me that I can in fact live with people, which I had previously convinced myself was not entirely possible. Suzanna, my roommate, is a radiant girl who is filled with hope and intensity. She is so accepting and such a wonderful invoker of creativity and possibility.

I have amazing friends who are constantly teaching me new things about life and myself... they have brought out so many creative and confident qualities in me that I always knew existed, but never really knew how to grasp. Giocchina is one such friend who is a major creative and inspirational force in my current state of existence. She is constantly teaching me knew things about myself.

I am in a constant state of perpetual challenge and I am embracing it with every fiber of my being... and the wonders these challenges have brought are much more than I could have ever imagined.

Work in Progress

Reconsidered.

Her eyes: windows to her soul, shadow deep with somber glow.

This post has been reconsidered.

Yep.